When life feels flat, your drive didn’t vanish. It just got redirected
There was a time I used to think libido was only about sex. That if mine dropped, it meant something was wrong with my body or my relationship or my hormones. But it’s so much deeper than that. Libido is life drive. It’s what moves you, what excites you, what wakes up the part of you that wants more. And when it goes quiet, the silence echoes everywhere.
I’ve gone through stretches where I felt completely flat. Not sad. Not exactly tired either. Just… off. Like something in me had slowed down without my permission. And instead of resting, I threw myself into work. Or into being productive. I answered emails like my worth depended on it. I ticked off lists. I stayed busy. And people even praised that. Said I looked focused. Committed.
But I wasn’t focused. I was numbing. I was using productivity to cover up the fact that something inside me had disconnected.
The Libido Doesn’t Just Disappear
Your libido doesn’t disappear. It just gets redirected. When your life gets tight, when you’re carrying too much, when you haven’t felt joy in a while, your energy has to go somewhere. And often, it goes into work. Into perfectionism. Into trying to fix things you don’t even really care about.
There’s a reason people overwork when their personal life is falling apart. It gives the illusion of control. It fills the space where intimacy used to live. Where excitement used to be. Work is measurable. It gives you feedback. And if the rest of your life feels numb, the approval you get from a job well done starts to feel like the only thing keeping you upright.
But it’s not sustainable. Because we’re not machines. We’re not meant to trade emotional connection for calendar blocks.
Numbness Isn’t Peace
When you start feeling disconnected from your body, from your pleasure, from your creativity, it’s easy to think it’s just burnout. And maybe it is. But sometimes it’s more than that. Sometimes it’s grief. Sometimes it’s disillusionment. Sometimes it’s the result of always being in survival mode.
You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re just emotionally full. Like your system is trying to protect you by going into safe mode. The libido is still there, buried under the mental noise and emotional weight.
The problem is we don’t give ourselves time to feel any of that. We fill the schedule. We keep going. And eventually, we forget what it even feels like to be excited about something. To laugh without guilt. To crave, not just food or sex, but life itself.
Reconnecting With What Moves You
Getting your drive back isn’t about forcing yourself into action. It’s about slowing down enough to notice where it went. What’s been draining you? What parts of your life feel heavy, or fake, or forced?
Sometimes the answer is in the obvious places. A job you’ve outgrown. A routine that leaves no space for rest. Relationships where you’re always performing. And sometimes the answer is more subtle. A quiet kind of emptiness that comes from being emotionally neglected by yourself.
I’ve learned that libido doesn’t respond to pressure. It responds to space. To presence. To truth. It shows up when we stop trying to force it and start creating the kind of life that actually feels like ours again.
You Don’t Need to Be On All the Time
There’s so much pressure to be switched on all the time. To feel motivated, passionate, productive. But no one feels like that every day. And pretending you do only adds more shame when you don’t.
The goal isn’t to feel high energy all the time. The goal is to feel. To be alive in your own experience. To be honest about what’s working and what’s not. To notice when your body says no, and when it quietly starts to say yes again.
You don’t need to fix everything. You just need to listen. Your libido isn’t gone. It’s waiting for you to come back to yourself.