Starting over feels like freedom. But what are we really running from?
I don’t know how many times I’ve fantasised about packing up and starting fresh. New city, new job, new flat where nobody knows my name and nothing reminds me of anything. It’s so tempting. The idea that if I just move far enough, I can leave behind everything that’s weighing me down. That I can become someone else, or maybe become myself again.
It’s not about the house or the furniture. It’s about space. It’s about distance. It’s about being able to breathe without bumping into memories. And it’s more common than we admit. That deep need for a reset. You see it in films, you read it in books. Someone burns their life to the ground and rebuilds from the ashes. It looks beautiful, cinematic, full of hope. But real life is messier.
The Illusion of the Blank Page
A new space feels like a blank page. And that’s intoxicating. No clutter. No emotional debris. No one expecting you to act the same. You walk into a clean room and it gives you permission to imagine a different version of yourself. One that’s calmer. Clearer. More in control.
But the truth is, we don’t come into that new space empty handed. We bring the stories. The patterns. The emotional baggage. All the stuff we were trying to leave behind sneaks into the boxes and unpacks itself in the new place. You can change your postcode, but your mind comes with you.
That doesn’t mean moving or starting fresh is bad. Sometimes it’s exactly what we need. But it only works if we’re honest about why we’re doing it.
Escaping Isn’t the Same as Healing
I used to think change was the same as growth. That if I changed everything around me, I would automatically evolve. But growth isn’t just external. It’s internal. It happens when we face the thing, not when we run from it.
Escaping gives you temporary relief. A new distraction. A new narrative. But healing asks different questions. It asks, why was this hurting me in the first place? Why was I stuck? Why did I shrink in that version of my life?
And if you skip those questions, the same dynamics tend to follow you. The same relationship patterns. The same self-sabotage. The same quiet disappointments. They just show up in a place with nicer curtains.
Wanting a Reset Is Not Weakness
Still, the desire to start over is real. And valid. Sometimes we need to move away to see clearly. Sometimes we need to change our environment to reconnect with parts of ourselves that got buried. A reset can be powerful, as long as it’s not pretending to be a solution to something deeper.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to reinvent yourself. But the work isn’t just in painting the walls or switching cities. It’s in asking what this new life is really about. Is it freedom or avoidance? Expansion or escape?
Sometimes the answer is both. And that’s okay too.
You Can Begin Again Without Running
What I’ve learned is that you don’t always need to leave to start over. You can make space inside the life you already have. You can clear out the noise. Shift the dynamics. Choose different. You don’t have to wait for a perfect moment or a dramatic exit. Sometimes the reset is subtle. A slow return to yourself.
The fantasy of the fresh start isn’t wrong. It’s just not the full story. Because what we’re really looking for isn’t a new life. It’s a new experience of being in our own life. One that feels lighter. Truer. More ours.
So if you’re dreaming of starting over, ask yourself what you’re really craving. And don’t just change the house. Change the story.